Regret and Want
by anamaric17
Summary: The Summary: The Doctor didn't want Martha as a lover, so why did he have such a problem with it when Jack Harkness did?


Title: Regret and Want

Summary: The Doctor didn't want Martha as a lover, so why did he have such a problem with it when Jack Harkness did?

"It's been three hours! How long does it take to come back from the movies!"

The Doctor mumbled this to himself as he paced back and forth in the control room. The TARDIS groaned irritated with him because of it. He sat down, all but huffing, and nervously pulling at his ear before thumping his head against the console. This made the TARDIS flash her lights in disapproval.

"I'm sorry." He said blushing a bit.

Just then the TARDIS door opened and in came Dr. Martha Jones being carried in Jack's arms. The Doctor jumped to his feet trying not to show them that he was pouting and moping about.

"So, how was it?" He asked excitedly but neither of them were paying him any mind. Jack whispered something to Martha making her roll her eyes and try to squirm away.

"Oh Jack! Stop that because you know I'm not doing that again." She said and Jack begged kissing her. The Doctor looked away and finally noticed how hard he was clenching his fist.

"Oh Doctor, that was the best movie I ever seen. There was so much music and dancing! I could watch it a hundred times...couldn't you, Jack?" She said finally allowed out of his arms. Jack smiled a little crookedly and twirled a strand of her hair in his fingers.

"Yes it was great, but I'd rather watch you a hundred times." He said seriously as he kissed her forehead. Martha giggled. The Doctor thought it better to keep his mouth shut.

"Right. Well how about we decide where to go from here. How about the Planet Garithilee! They have the BEST shopping centres there. Martha we could probably find just about anything you wanted there!" He said smiling that smile he knew would make her do anything for him.

"Yes that sounds fun. I'm just gonna wash up and then change into something else." She said giving Jack's hand a squeeze and sparing the Doctor a smile of her own. As she left the room, the Doctor's joyful expression slipped again as he took in the forlorn look in the other man's eyes.

"Gosh, I can't even explain how she makes me feel." Jack said grinning and sitting down. The Doctor heard and felt his heartbeats double. He swallowed trying to think of anything to say but all he could think about was throwing Jack off the TARDIS.

_"That wouldn't be fair to Martha, Doctor." _ A little voice said in his head. He sighed hating to admit that it was right.

"Yes. Well, she is special." The Doctor said taking his sonic screwdriver out and playing with the settings.

"Yeah. Hey listen her birthday is coming up...what should I get her?" Jack asked tapping his fingers against his thighs.

"I dunno Jack. I'm not the right person to ask that of. Perhaps Tish would know." He said not looking up from the floor. She hadn't told him her birthday was coming up, and he hated to have found out from Jack. His pride made him refuse to ask when it was.

"If you say so Doc. You know I only asked you because I see the way you two are together. You mean the world to her. You're her best mate." Jack said without a hint of jealousy in his voice.

_"Why should he be jealous? He got the girl after all." _That damn voice said again, and the Doctor looked up to the ceiling trying to block it out.

"Yes, well...she's my best mate too." He said.

"Glad to hear it, I mean after everything between you two-" Jack was cut off when he heard Martha yell for him to bring her a clean pair of socks from the bedroom.

"Gotta go...my lady calls." Jack said with a wink and happily skipped off down the hall.

The trip to Garithilee didn't go as planned for the Doctor. Not that he would intentionally want to Martha to be alone, but he was hoping to at least be able to shop without her new boyfriend. Instead, he ended up being the bag carrier as the two held hands throughout the many stores they stopped it. The hand holding didn't bother him as much as all the inside jokes and the snogging.

"I'm heading back to the TARDIS to put these away. Be back." He said pretending he wasn't tired. The Doctor was also a little bit hurt that Martha was more interested in what the Captian was saying at the moment.

He reached the TARDIS and placed the many bags and boxes down in Martha's room. He was just leaving the room when he saw something shiny on the floor. Turning on his heels, the Doctor turned the light on and picked it up.

"A necklace. Huh?" He murmured. He turned it around in his hands before realizing it was the necklace he had given her a while ago. It was a heart on it and said in Gallifrey _"To Martha". _Martha never took it off as far as he knew. He checked the clasp and realized it was broken. He slipped it into his pocket, his eyes tearing up and his hearts both heavy with regret. He never came back out of the TARDIS to meet up with his friends.

Meanwhile deep in the city of Garithilee...

"He's been gone for a while now. Think we should head back too?" Martha asked as Jack kissed the back of her neck while he held her in his arms. She snuggled closer because it was comfortable being with him like this.

"Mmmm...I think I like it better here. Don't you?" Jack said wrapping an arm around her tighter. She felt a smile grace her features. This was such a special man, she thought, and he loved her.

"I do, but I'm worried about him. Jack, he's been a little off lately. I don't understand what's gotten into him." She said looking into Jack's eyes.

"I think he's jealous of me, Nightingale." Jack said making Martha frown.

"Jea-what do you mean?" She said turning to face him now. He sighed before shrugging his shoulders.

"I just know what I see angel. He's jealous because we are together." Jack said uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation.

"That's just silly. We are beyond that the Doctor and I. He didn't want my affections and I grew out of mine for him. Then the whole Tom and Mickey thing...Jack I'm not sure he would care who I date." She said trying to reason with her boyfriend. She kept replaying how hurt and left wanting the Doctor used to make her feel. She closed her eyes but the feelings for him were long dead. She would always love him, but she was no longer in love with him. Time really did heal all wounds in the end.

"I don't think he realizes , Martha. I think...I think perhaps because I'm around more now he sees what he missed out on." Jack said lightly. He ran a hand down her arm comfortingly.

"I-I don't know what to say to that. Do you think I should talk to him...alone?" She said feeling her voice crack. She was close to tears thinking of the Doctor and how she might have cause him to feel rejected. She knew firsthand what that felt like, and she didn't want him to go through that.

"Yes I do. I got to head back to TORCHWOOD in a few anyway, and I trust you so talk to him. " Jack said running his hands through her hair.

"Ok I will, but not today. Today I'm with you and that's all I want to think about." She said smiling before kissing him fully and for a long time.

Two nights later

Martha Jones awoke in the middle of the night and stared at the dark ceiling. Jack mumbled in his sleep but otherwise didn't stir. She turned over in his arms and wrapped her arms tighter around him. She studied his face while he slept. She felt her heart beat pick up. Those long lashes of his caressing his cheek, just above that perfect nose of his. Smiling to herself, she leaned in to his chest and listened to his own heart beating back.

"You know if you keep at it, I'm gonna give you a reason to be up." Jack said startling her.

"How long you been up?" She said grinning when he kissed her forehead.

"About the same time you started oogling me in bed. I guess my personality is rubbing off on you."

"Oh hush you." She said lacing a leg between his and feeling his arousal. He groaned a little but that only made Martha want him even more.

"You want me quiet Nightingale, but I want you singing." He growled in her ear. It wasn't long before Jack was leaning down and kissing his way from her stomach then lower and lower. She let out a breath preparing herself for the pleasure that was about to began.

"Just not too rough this time, Jack. I like walking, ok." She said rapidly before he grinned up at her. Moments later his mouth was devouring her. She was biting her lip and curling her fingers in his thick brown hair. She moaned feeling her toes curl and her eyes roll in the back of her head.

"Shit...Jack...mmm!" She mumbled as he chuckled and dipped his tongue further inside making her back arch. She never really got use to his talented tongue. It was sensual and wicked and she would be in tears by the time he was done.

He quickly bought her to the climax and before she was over it, entered her making her groan.

"I love you Martha. My Martha." He whispered as he licked her collarbone. She just shook more before he slowed down trying to honor her request to be gentle.

"I love you too Jack. Oh...so much." She whispered back as her legs opened before wrapping around him. They kissed and kissed before he began moving slow and lingering thrusts into her center. They went at it for another hour, slowly mending their souls together. Martha came four more times before Jack was finally coming.

Hours later Martha was passed out still experiencing small aftershocks from what Jack could tell as she would clutch at his chest. He eased his way out of her embrace and wrapped the blanket around her naked form. Kissing her twice gently on the lips.

Tossing on a pair of sweatpants, and making sure he looked a bit decent, he walked out of their room to find the Doctor. He didn't have to look hard since the man had been ignoring the couple and staying in the console room for the last few days.

"How's Martha?" The Doctor asked as he put down a book he had been reading. He had on his geek chic glasses and Jack smiled at the image.

"She's fine. Just really tired. How are you?" Jack said cutting to the chase.

The Doctor twirled his ear nervously and then shrugged his skinny shoulders. Jack nodded understanding and then poured himself a cup of tea. The Doctor looked so lost and Jack felt guilty about that for some reason.

"So, I have to go back to TORCHWOOD in a day. I uh...I know you take good care of her, but can you promise me she won't be hurt?" Jack asked seriously thinking of Martha and the way things were left when she had to walked the Earth for a year.

"Do you wish for me to drop her off at her home?" The Doctor asked playing with the console knobs. Jack shook his head.

"No. I can't ask that of her. She loves traveling with you, beside you're her best friend." Jack said.

"I'll keep her safe, Jack. I promise." The Doctor said and Jack smiled satisfied. Jack was leaving when The Doctor called him back.

"She left this but I fixed it. Can you make sure she gets it back?" The skinny alien said holding out the necklace. Jack frowned knowing what it was but not remembering when it was broken.

"You need to tell her how you feel. She deserves to know." Jack said as he left the room not wanting to hear any of the other man's denials.

The next day...

"You better be nice to everyone and please look after yourself." Martha nagged as she wrapped her arms around Jack wanting to hold onto him for a little while more. She knew it was going to be months for him before they saw each other. Although they would talk on the phone all the time, she would miss him dearly.

"I'll be nicer if we had a little go before you disappear into space." Jack suggested wagging his eyebrows. Martha grinned but shook her head no.

"No time for that, besides I think you're being greedy after last night and this morning. Now kiss me like a good boyfriend." She said and Jack laughed before doing what he was told. He pulled her close once more inhaling her scent as he leaned his nose into her neck.

"Don't forget to have that talk with him. I love you." Jack said kissing her again before letting her go. She nodded her head and then made her way back to the TARDIS. She was wearing his trenchcoat since he said he had another one just like it. It made her smile knowning a little bit of him would still be around at nights. That jacket and the pair of boxers she stole when he wasn't looking.

At the same time...

The Doctor had tried his best to ignore the lovers all morning especially when he overheard them going at it...again. He was nervous around Martha now that Jack was gone but he was still going to play his part.

"So we're off again...wanna see the moon of Lyireal? Oh Martha their ocean is purple!" He said grinning and she looked up at him. He saw the sadness playing a bit behind her eyes and he knew she was missing her Jack already. He let his smile drop again knowing she would never look that way about missing him again.

"Yes, that sounds amazing. I'm uh...I wanted to talk to you about something." She said sitting down still wrapped in Jack's coat. The Doctor thought about the time he wrapped her in his coat. This had been right after the Sontarans cloned her and tried to make Earth their new home. She had all but disappeared in it but it was adorable on her. Seeing her overdressed in Jack's coat made him a bit angry but more than anything it just hurt.

"Yeah...go ahead then." He said waiting on pins and needles.

"Are you jealous of Jack being with me?" She said leveling him with a look. Her brown eyes challenging and a bit more sad all of a sudden.

Silence hung heavy in the air for a couple of minutes. She shook her head getting up and deciding to leave.

"Nevermind. I'll just go-"

"Wait. Yes, yes I'm jealous alright. I know Jack and I know you but I don't want you together." He said in one long rush of breath. She frowned and placed her hands on her hips which was hard to do considering the coat.

"Why? You never cared before, Doctor. Besides...I love him that's not going to change." She said a little more defiant again.

"You say that but you use to...nevermind. So sorry I said anything. Do you want me to take you home?" He asked feeling tears prickle the corners of his eyes. He turned away hoping that his silence would be enough to make her leave. Instead, Martha just sighed and wrapped her small hand in his. He turned around facing her.

"You push and push us away, and I don't understand why. I'm your friend and always will be, and I don't want to leave. I can't now, not with you in this state anyway." She said gently and then she pulled out the necklace that he had given her.

"You wearing it again?" He said a little surprised.

"I wanted to say thank you for fixing it. Jack uh...he's the reason it got broken. It's a long story and then I kinda forgot about it." She said looking away. The Doctor squeezed her hand and that made her look up again.

"I just want you happy, Martha Jones. I know it's selfish of me to want you to love me and not return it. I also know its selfish of me to have feelings for you now, but I do. I'm sure you don't want me anymore and that's ok. As long as Jack makes you happy I can learn to live with that." He said and a tear fell.

"Oh Doctor." Martha said wrapping him in a hug. He hugged her back being careful not to crush her smaller frame. They stayed like that for a long time.

"You are my favorite friend and I care about you deeply. Jack makes me happy...sometimes to the point that my face hurts from smiling. I want you to know that you make me happy too but in a different way. Is that ok?" She asked frowning hoping her words didn't come out in the wrong meaning.

"Yes. Yes of course. I uh...I just need time to adjust to him being around in a more permanent way." The Doctor said and Martha leaned up kissing him on the cheek. Then she nodded before silently heading to her room.

The Doctor waited to hear the audible click of her door before he let his tears flow freely. He still loved her more than he should and she would never look at him like that again. He had missed his chance, and he now understood the meaning of the pain he had caused her years ago. That pain was so raw that it threatened to stop his breathing. The Doctor now knew the true meaning of regret and want.


End file.
